July 15, 2010 - "It's Not Fair!"

This week my kiddos have been at VBS (Vacation Bible School) at a local church. Each day they have been excited to go and sing songs that they have learned and with a little coaxing tell me some of the things they have learned. The first day a friend of mine said Munchkin even got on stage and said the verse all by herself in front of 167 kids and all of the teachers. This all sounds great except her attitude when I pick her up is terrible! Today she was telling me that it wasn't fair that some kids got saddle bags. "They didn't have to do anything for them! They just got their names pulled out of a bucket!"
I tried to explain to her that that is how door prizes work. You don't have to do anything for them you just get your name or ticket pulled out of a bucket. The anticipation of seeing if you will win something is part of the fun.

I know I have said before she is a perfectionist and wants everything to be fair. She feels very slighted if she has worked hard and doesn't get recognition. She was really upset that she had memorized the verse and did not get a saddle bag and other kids did just by getting their names drawn. I am hoping this is not where entitlement begins....or does it start when everyone gets recognized even if they don't do as well on something (that may open a whole can of worms). I like that my Little Man got a special recognition award last year, especially because he had such a difficult year academically. He didn't get left out. But, does that mean eventually he will expect not to get left out even if he doesn't do well in school? (With the ACC school will be difficult for him but that does not mean we won't expect his best effort).

Anyway, this is a post where I have no idea what to do. How do you other moms and dads out there nip the "It's not fair!" monster in the bud? I want her to relax and understand that life is not always fair and just because you do your best does not mean you will be rewarded. Any suggestions would be helpful.

Comments

  1. Hmm. I look forward to readind responses - I am the mom of a 2 year old and now this is in the not so distant future.

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  2. Sarah9:06 PM

    Karen I highly recommend reading "The Birth Order Book" by Kevin Lehman. The perfectionist in her is part of her birth order, being the first born.
    I also think that explaining to her that getting recognition before men isn't what we strive for. We were created for the glory of GOD and that b/c she is hiding His word in her heart, loving her neighbor, and seeking to show Christ through herself she's received a MUCH bigger prize than a saddle bag.
    she's a great kid though and I don't think you're going to have to worry about entitlement :)

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